12:02 a.m.

MAT Corey Feldman kicks ass and takes names as a heavy metal dude who goes to a brothel full of vampire babes. Dennis Miller offer Erika Eleniak to investigate Corey Feldman's disappearence. A rocking preacher enters the mix, along with nudity and plot twists. The plot is better than expected, with mediocre acting. It seems like Dennis Miller made up some of his lines, and Corey Feldman is entertaining. Whoopi Goldberg is in an unfunny cameo. An enjoyable fight sequence occurs to the song "Ballroom Blitz". A cat fight at the end is a plus. 3 out of 5 GREG Featuring a title such as "Bordello of Blood" (and Corey Feldman and the crypt keeper) it cannot possibly be a bad movie. Feldman plays a punk with a quick mouth and take no crap attitude. Much different from his other roles, but, of course, he pulls it off. Dennis Mailler makes fun of the A-team? What is he - a communist? I've never been a big fan of Dennis Miller- I think he sucks. Puns are giddily amusing, considering the hour. Angie Everheart is really hot. She could suck my blood any time. Most of movie seems to be a vehicle for Miller's mostly lame jokes. "fornicating" Miller spends much of the movie trying to bag church chick. Movie preaches against lust yet features tons of nudity + Angela Everheart, thus causing lust. Feldman is one cool vampire. Angie Everheart had the forsight not to kill him. Smart chick. Fortunately, Whoopi Goldberg only has a cameo. Conclusion: Feldman dies a cool, feldman-esque death yet still dies, twice. -1,000,000 points. Rating: 3.5 MRU's out of 5 -999,997 Feldman's out of 5 Death Count - people: 13 Death Count - vampires: 19 ZACK They don't screw around in this movie. 3 deaths in the first 5 minutes. The crypt keeper is one of the few people who can consistantly get away with using puns. (Mat on the other hand, needs to give up trying.) The vast amount of nudity is cool, especially the lady with 3 nipples that are all pierced. This movie does lack Corey Feldman. This movie also tends to drag. I've seen it too many times.[ e.n. - damn you Comedy Central.] I'm getting bored with this, I wish it would pick up. The caffiene from this soda need to kick in too. Goddammit, why isn't there anymore Feldman? This movie just lost a couple points because of it. Corey Feldman is a cool vampire. Since this movie tends to utilize extremes, that's how I scored it. +30 for nudity +50 for Corey Feldman -1,000 for Corey Feldman dieing +100 for vampire killing scene Final Rating: -820 out of 5 on the Feldman scale 7.5 out of 10 on the Mat suckitude scale. (the suckitude scale, now just accumulates from each movie.)

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