Mat and Zack arrived at my house at around noonish, Zack having just been to a garage sale. We then all hopped into my car and made the 20 minute drive. We got there, bought our tickets, I bought some popcorn and a soda, and we settled into ladies man (the only legal moves of the day)

Review #1 : The Ladies' Man

I don't think a caption is needed. This poster oozes crapiness

Mat We started watching what I guess was the first half of The Ladies’ Man. I am a fan of Tim Meadows’ skit on Saturday Night Live, but even after 15 minutes I realized I was watching a really poorly made comedy. The laughs weren’t all that funny, it tried to have too much of a plot, and the pace seemed slow. The only thing cool about this movie was Billy Dee Williams as the narrator—I haven’t seen him in a movie since Batman and it was nice to see him act smooth as a bartender.

I like the character of Leon Phelps, and the skit on Saturday Night live is undeniably hilarious. But this movie was a festering pile of feces. I don't even want to talk about it.

Although I usually can't help laughing at the Ladies' Man sketches on SNL, I found myself cringing at the movie. I guess that reaction shouldn't be that surprising, since it is an SNL movie, and those movies are never good, except for the Blues Brothers.

Review #2 : Bring It On

Quickly growing bored of The Ladies’ Man, we ventured on over to a theater in the same side of the movie theater. We walked into the beginning of Bring It On for around 30 minutes or so. Ugh. Bring It On makes me wonder why they bother making cheerleading movies—the final competition is obviously going to feature the two rival teams, making the training sequences ultimately pointless. Speaking of pointless, this movie had some of the worst lines ever. “We’re not a democracy, we’re a cheerocracy!” “You’re having cheer sex with him!” Cheer sex? What the hell is cheer sex? I guess it is when a cheerleading flirts to someone in the audience through the movements, but they weren’t doing sexual movements or anything.

Greg I don't know how long we settled into Bring it on. At least i didn't have any expectations for this movie. This movie was, well, I really can't think of a better movie than braindead. For crying out loud, Kristen Dunst says "This isn't a democracy, this is a cheer-ocracy." Dear God.

I guess this is "Cheer-sex"!

While watching this crap, I could actually feel my IQ going down. It depresses me that this thing actually made it to the big screen. People were paid money to make this. Kirsten Dunst probably went on at least one talk show saying that she was proud of it. I've officially lost faith in America.

Review #3 : Lost Souls

Stop 3 on our list was Lost Souls, starring Winona Ryder. We saw about the first 15-20 minutes of the movie, which made very little sense. As far as I can tell, Winona Ryder teams up with some priests to exorcise a demon from a crazy guy who likes to write lots of numbers. Some of the shots are very weird, such as a scene where a girl goes on a swing-set while the camera freezes her suddenly before resuming play at normal speed. I really don’t know if this movie was good or not… Maybe it made more sense as it went on.

Greg Not much to say, we were only there for about 20 minutes. But any movie with Winona Ryder is pretty cool in my book.

We only saw an exorcism scene, which I think was pretty cool.

Review #2b : Bring It On (cont.)

After Lost Souls, Zack and Greg decided we should see the end of Bring It On. What a mistake! All that was featured was the big competition between the two teams. The only thing keeping the audience in suspense is who would win: the Caucasian suburban girls or the African-American urban girls? Zack made an excellent comment pointing out that the commentator was a pervert. I agree totally with Zack on this point. The commentator is probably in his 40’s and comments on how hot all the teenage cheerleaders look.

After this, for some reason, we went back to Bring it on. Why we did this is one of the mysteries that will plague all of mankind forever. I can't even imagine what happened in the 20 minutes we missed. The movie picked up pretty much right where we left it. Man Bring it on is a terrible movie. Except when they talk about "cheer sex."

OK, I've figures it out. Kirsten Dunst is obviously trying to take over the world by systematically lowering to intelligence of everyone who sees her movies. I'm just glad that none of her movie ever do very well in the box office.

Review #4 : Nurse Betty

After Lost Souls, we wanted to catch some of Digimon: The Movie. Our efforts were thwarted when we saw a manager sweeping at the opposite end of the theater, where Digimon was playing. Quickly ducking into the nearing theater, we went to see some of Nurse Betty. What a confusing movie to walk in the middle of. Knowing what I knew about the movie from some reviews I read helped, but not completely. Nurse Betty is supposed to be decent, but probably when watched from beginning to end.

This poster makes about as much sense as the movie.

Greg Well, this may be a good movie, but we were only in for 20 minutes in the exact middle of the movie. So we didn't know what the hell was going on. It was scary. Zack Chris Rock is cool, and he was in this movie. I guess it something to do with a soap opera. It didn't make a whole lot of sense.

Then we made a daring move, skirting past theater personnel to see Meet the Parents. I think this was our fatal move.

Review #5 : Meet The Parents

Mat Meet the Parents is supposed to be funny. I really can’t comment on that because all we did was watch the last 10 minutes where they comment on stuff that happened throughout the movie. Greg We saw, maybe, the last 7 minutes of meet the parents. Zack I'm going to have to agree with Greg

Oh, how you've fallen Mr. De Niro. Oh, how you've fallen.

After Meet the Parents, we went up some stairs to the arcade area located in the lobby. I tried my hand at pinball while Zack played some Tekken Tag Tournament. We noticed four theater employees, one of who was obviously a manager of some sort, literally blocking the entrance to the different theaters. Obviously scanning the situation, we left the theater and returned to my house.

Zack had gone to a garage sale before he showed Hop-A-Thon, and he had picked up a copy of "Windows 95 tutorial" for a mere 50 cents. Since we still had some time, we watched this movie at Mat's house.

Windows 95: A Tour of the New Features starring Matthew Perry and Jennifer Aniston of show Friends. I really hope they got paid a lot of money to star in the first half of this wretched video. They get lectured on how to use Windows 95 from such exotic characters as the Window Wiper and Joystick Johnny. I had a real problem with Joystick Johnny--he showed them how to play a pinball game which came with Microsoft Plus. His first name being Joystick, I assumed he would use a joystick to play pinball. Granted, using a joystick to play pinball makes little sense, but if anyone could kick ass at it, Joystick Johnny could. Wrong. Poor Johnny had to use a keyboard to play pinball. The second half of the video dealt with 25 questions about Windows 95. Jennifer Aniston must have left with her paycheck after the first half, because all we get is a boring narrating voice. This video got us very irritated.

Windows 95 tutorial starring Matt Perry, Jennifer Aniston, and Joystick Johnny. This was such a traumatic experience, that i don't really want to talk about.
Instead, here is my summary of today's events:
Ladies man: C-; Bring it on: D+; Lost Souls: B+ (Based solely on the fact that it has winona ryder); Nurse Betty: C; Meet the parents: I really have no idea; The Arcade: B; Windows 95 Tutorial: There is no rating low enough to express the torment one goes through watching this.
Overall Experience: C-

This was, by far, the most horrifying experience of the day. I should have burned the video instead of watching it.